Still talking about names
|December 2, 2010||Posted by Hilra under Academic thoughts, Learning disabilities, Personal issues, Research|
Another search for a name that marked my early days in life was my brother’s disability. He was four and my parents had not had any consistent label given to his difficulties to walk and communicate. This lack of information made up a huge empty space in our understanding of his condition. I was frequently confronted with other people’s questions about what was “wrong” with my brother. I believed that a name to answer that question would have been of great help. I could have just said he is this or even he has that. Instead, I had to provide long explanations about how he used to react, his preferences, his sense of humor, and his dependence, to provide a picture of his difference which did not have a name.
I believe these two conflicts with names became part of my existence, part of the way I positioned myself in the world, part of the way I have related to the world and to others.
Although my study was not an auto-ethnographic research, and not an essentially autobiographical one either, I am aware that my research journey embraced my previous searches for meaning in life at the same time that it incorporated the impact of my personal journey; which took place simultaneously with the research journey itself. It has been a dialectical multilayered process, which can only be fully understood when all these elements come together at the starting point and are taken into account when the destination is eventually reached.
I have embraced this narrative now as another dialogic moment. I am presenting my research to known and known readers, discussing what I accomplished so far, presenting the research process, its completion and what comes next, but I want to reflect here basically on the subjective journey within the academic process.
My main objective here is to draw a picture which helps me to draw a reflexive account not only of the theoretical and possibly political frameworks and methodological decisions I have taken, but also glimpses of my subjectivity in doing so.