|December 1, 2010||Posted by Hilra under Academic thoughts, Life style, Personal issues, Reflexive blogging, The research journey and the journey within the research|
One major explicit aim of my research project involved an interest in finding out how children have been naming themselves and their peers in relation to their notions of what ability is and the meanings of having a disability. Thus, the whole research process revolves around this search, the search for names, and the search for their meanings. However, this search has its roots in my timeless conflicts with my own name/s. I explain.
When I was born I was given a name which was literally invented especially for me. My two then teenager sisters played around their own names and made up a third name which resembles their own. The problem was that the name they made up is hard to pronounce and hard to spell correctly, because of a misuse of a phoneme in Portuguese (that does not sound as my sisters believed/expected). In addition, it is hard to be memorized due to its uniqueness which makes the name awfully forgettable.
Ironically that is my second christian name (it is common in Brazil to have composed christian names like Ana Maria, Teresa Cristina and so on), which would give me the option to be called by my first name (Maria), but for cultural reasons three of us share the same first name. So being everyone’s name it ends up being a “no-one’s name”.
The conflict related to that first name and its impersonality only became utterly manifest much later. Therefore, during the course of my life, my name was always part of my uniqueness as a person, which pleased me most of the time, but also disappointed me eventually.
After the event of the Internet and search engines, I could confirm the myth that I am the only person to hold the name Hilrani! Is that bad or good? I am not sure yet. Anyway, to make my life easier, since I came to the UK I adopted a short that some friends used to call me (Hilra) and that is less unique. Even a Morgana Hilra exists in Second Life, Google tells me.